areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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