saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
