how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
