He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize