the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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