Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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