Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
