the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
