I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
