my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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