Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
