Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
