This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
