i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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