ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
as a side note pls kill me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize