1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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