Im at strip club and am horny
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
