The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
