I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
