so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
