Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Welp...herpes.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
