drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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