I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
