You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
