i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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