btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
