got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
COCAINE IS GR8
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
