dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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