dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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