The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
