Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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