You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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