He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
