Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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