Little spoons don't ask big questions
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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