Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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