so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
