Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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