Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I forget how to act sober
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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