Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
