Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
