When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
