I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
