i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
