I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize