Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
