a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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