I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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