I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
