Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just gift wrapped bread.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
