I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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