I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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