I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
