I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
