pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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