So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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