I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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