I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You are a genius and a whore.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
