i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
