Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
