Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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