um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
