I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
