at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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