So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
