Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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