My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize