I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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