the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
