My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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