You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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