woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
