i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
