Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.

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(703): View more from Virginia

She'll never know what hit her

(1-703): View more from Virginia

I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store

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(323): View more from California

Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.

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(816): View more from Missouri

She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G

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(618): View more from Illinois

I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.

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